Thursday, April 06, 2006

Mixed Scrap Emotions......

Ever get that way? Today was that day for me. I seemed to feel this way a LOT. I dunno why. Scrapping like totally consumes me. Everything I see I am inspired. Color. Bold, Vivid Color. I see it everywhere! I want it. I want to capture it in every form. Scrapping. Photography. Clothes. Homes. Makeup. DESIGN. I feel like if I just let go it'll come out. I want something more from it. Not just to see it. I want to hold it in my hands. I want to breathe it. I want to BE it. I feel as though I hold the key and all I have to do is unlock the door. I don't know what holds me back. I think I am afraid I won't be everything I desire. I am afraid I will fail. But it's driving me! I can feel it! This morning I woke up inspired. By what I dunno. It was just there. I wanted to scrap! I printed a picture to scrap before I even brushed my teeth. I wanted to go out and take photos. Lots and lots of photos. I didn't. I didn't scrap. I didn't take pictures. Nope instead my mom called and we headed out to meet a friend for lunch, and then off to Target we went. But it was in me all day poking my insides trying to get out. And here I sit with these same feelings. I want to vomit it's so overwhelming. I'm not kidding. Now is the time! And yet...... Here I sit. What am I thinking... Just go Mara.... Go...... But I won't. No I can't. Tim is here Timmy is here and frankly I just can't get comfortable doing my thing while anyone is around. I need space! ~WIDE OPEN SPACE~ And Music. Music to make my body move. Music to invigorate my mind. So as I sit here glum I will make plans... Do your thing girl.... Do it tomorrow. And then an almost tear...... Tomorrow is so far away. And then, the emptiness, the hollow. Stupid Stupid girl. When will you learn? Do it then. Do it now. Do it in the moment!

2 comments:

Laurie said...

are you kidding me!!! mara mara!! i feel EXACTLY EXACTLY THE SAME WAY !!!! like really...im floored reading this first thing today!!!!! wow!! i was sayin i need to shut msn and everyone around me out with just music and go nuts!! wow...im with ya girl right down to the vomit lol....lets do it girl!! *hugs*

Heidi A said...

you need to lay off the coffee girl. lol